This is for April

7 Things I Want To Do Before I Die...
1. Have a job in a medical environment with amazing benefits that can only come from God
2. Bring at least 1 person to Christ
3. Meet a man who is completely God's gift to me (I know you must be thinking what happened to Steve? He is still in the picture but at the moment the picture is getting blurry)
4. Have at least 1 child of my own
5. Be able to give my Mom back at least half of all she has given to me
6. Give a large amount of money to someone who is in great need and then tell them to pay it forward (yes, I know it comes from the movie but if ya saw the movie you would agree that it is something everyone should want to do)
7. Be free financially

7 Things I Can Do...
1. Be a good Aunt to Ava, Cole and, in 3 months Wyatt
2. Bake
3. Be there for my family and friends when in need
4. Sleep (I most definitely can do that too!)
5. Create (I do this good too...it relaxes me)
6. Gain better perspectives from other people about topics of discussions that I do not understand
7. Being fun

7 Things I Can Not Do...
1. Sing very well...I'm not great but I'm not bad either
2. Stop overthinking....this is a major habit of mine
3. More crafty things...limited space
4. Be mean...I can be but I cannot be mean on purpose
5. Make someone feel ignored
6. Wait for certain people...I get impatient...but I am working on it
7. Be without my family and friends

7 Things That Attracted Me To My Hubby...(Not married but I will answer these about the man God has for me...whether it is Steve or someone else)
1. His kindness (although lately, I have been feeling ignored)
2. His ability to make people feel good
3. I can trust him
4. His desire to better himself
5. I can see a future with him (Not sure if he sees it though)
6. His ability to fix anything
7. He has shown me my self worth

7 Things I Say Most Often
1. I lub you
2. Whatever
3. Don't know, don't care
4. God Bless America (my nice version of saying the God *beep* it) I don't like the GD word at all!
5. Moron!
6. UM! HELLO!!! (This is usually said when I am driving and someone decides to be stupid and cut me off or whatever)
7. CRAP!

7 Celebrity Crushes...(Not sure if I have 7 but I will try)
1. Joey McIntyre (Yes, I know...New Kids On The Block...but he is still HAWT)
2. Paul Walker (The Fast and The Furious, Joy Ride)
3. Clint Eastwood (He is old I know but he is still nice to look at)
4.
5.
6.
7.

According to my instructions, I am now supposed to tag 7 friends. I don't know 7 people on here and the one that I do know, already did this.

The Untitled Blog

I'm feelin' kinda lost. While things with Steve are progressing, I can't help but wonder; will we make it? Lately he has been crazy busy with working 2 jobs, one of which is not stable in so far as having a consistent schedule and the other is just plain and simple crazy hours. On top of this he is always doing something for someone he knows and/or his family. I try to be as understanding as but to be honest behind closed doors sometimes understanding goes out the window and I become this puddle of mush, i.e. missing him, feeling like a bother if I text him so I don't text him if I can help it and, did I mention missing him? Also I try never to be the selfish type but again, behind closed doors I will think to myself, "It's not fair, I haven't seen him in ex amount of days..." blah, blah, blah.

Now added to this list is knowing that eventually he will be going back to Texas for 2 years to complete his certification as a master machanic. This is where most of the wondering if we will make it comes from.

Earlier this evening, after having dinner with Mom, I stopped by one of his jobs to find out if we were still on for taking care of some car things for his car tomorrow; which I kinda figured we wouldn't be because he is a perfectionist when it comes to cars and he wants to make sure he does a little more work on his car before we do anything else car related outside of him doing certain things for himself. Somehow we got on the topic of him not having anything to eat all day. When I found out why I changed that pretty quickly. Anyway, at one point to prove a point I was trying to make he said something that didn't sit right with me. After going back out to get him taken care of with getting him food, I flat out asked him what he meant.

You see last week he told me that we were dating. We aren't quite boyfriend/girlfriend but we are not just friends. We are still taking things as they come, getting to know who we are individually and together. Then tonight he said something sounded like it was the complete opposite. As it turns out, I just needed to listen closer to understand what he was saying. This is what got me to thinking more about the will we make it stuff.

I know what God brings together only God can take apart, I guess I just feel so unsecure right now because he is not very expressive in his thoughts. Of course, I know men will never be like us women in that department. As my Mom said, "You don't know what he could be thinking or feeling about or for you, Becky. This could be as hard on him emotionally as it is you with not being able to be with you as much as he may want and then having the idea of going back to Texas." She is right, I know she is...I just wish I could know his thoughts and feelings; at least then I would know a little more than I do.

If any of this makes any sense???

The "In Between"

Ok, so a few days ago or maybe it's been about a week by now; I went over to spend a little bit of time with my best friend and her fiancee' Mike. It was good for the most part. Now before I say anything more, I want to say that I do love her very much but sometimes she gets on my last ever loving nerve. With that said, I will continue.

As those few of you that read my blogs are aware of I have been seeing this guy I call my friend boy, Steve. Ever since we stated that there is a little more between us than just friendship, Kellie has been asking me if things have changed. Well, the other night when I went over to her house, I told her that Steve and I are not just friends but we are not quite boyfriend and girlfriend. We are dating. She tells me, that there is no in between. Of course instead of getting into anything, I just told her that where Steve and I are is where we are comfortable and we agree that taking things slow and as they come is what is best for us because as we have discovered, he has made the same dating/relationship mistakes as I have and we both want to do things right. Over time we will see if it going to be something more and in the mean time we are putting God first. Besides that, I am still in school and he is going to be going back to Texas some time after Christmas to complete his schooling that he wasn't able to finish a few years ago due to unforeseen issues that brought him back here. In my personal opinion though, I believe that him seeing me get my bachelor's and now moving on to get my master's has lit a fire under his butt to want to make himself a better man and I am all for that.

The one thing that I don't understand and why some people can't respect what Steve and I have. We care about each other, are there for each other as much as possible and, we are on the same page as life together is concerned. I guess maybe some things are better left just not understanding.

I'm not...

I’m not…

I’m not perfect. In fact I am as close to imperfect as one woman can get,
I’m not what I want to be; on that you can place any bet but I am who I am meant to be and that’s one thing you must never forget.

I’m not skinny like most I know; I’m not tall or short. I’m what I call a “happy medium” something different and rare; it’s ok if you feel the need to stare. I’m not always the best at being positive but I sure do give it a try. Please don’t shed a tear, I can’t stand to see people cry; least of all for me, I am who I am and it’s all I can be.

I’m not great at hiding my feelings or so I have been told, I’ve tried over and over again; I think it’s time to get a new trick, this one is…well, getting old. I’m not very well cordinated and sometimes I just lose all control but I am always true to myself deep down in my soul.

© August 24, 2008

My Little Man....

Just a quick request to pray for my little man, Cole. My nephew had eye surgery today. He is not in extreme pain but enough. Please pray for comfort and healing.

Thank you!

PS: I don't have a picture of her but can you also pray for my sis in law's grandma. She had a mini stoke yesterday. She is going to into a rehab place tomorrow. Thank you again!

With Praise....

....in other words, Cum Laude. That is what it means to graduate with this honor; and that is what I am graduating with!!! I could not believe my eyes. I mean I knew it was a chance but was not 100% sure it would happen.

In other news...

Steve and I are progressing nicely. With a minor issue this afternoon that was neither his or my fault. He parked in the wrong place where he lives (planning to move it once he got done taking things into his place from his car) and got his car, which still technically is my car by the fact that he has not paid for it completely, towed. We didn't fight, which strangely I was prepared for but it didn't happen; we worked it out. I knew it wasn't his fault (because of the stupid rules that his complex has over the parking situation) and he knew that it would stress me out a bit trying to figure out where the car was and all that not so fun stuff; because of his hearing impairment, which we did. Suffice it to say, this was a nice but in a craptastic way of finding out that we can handle something that neither of us had much control over and needed to work through.

So that is my life since I last blogged. I hope all had a good weekend and will have a pleasant week to come.

I gave him my secret...

...but it was not much of a secret. He apparently already knew how I felt, he was just waiting for me to tell him. He wanted to hear it from me.

So, I went to see Steve yesterday afternoon. While we were hanging out, he tells me that he is planning on going back to Texas for school. I tried to keep my cool but of course he sees straight through that. He knows too well but of course I am not complaining about it. Anyway, he tells me he knows what I am thinking and after a little while I told him he was right, I don't want him to go. We got into a text-versation and after he telling me what it mean to and for him, he asked me what I thought. I told him the truth; I told him that I won't ever stop him from living his dreams and that I want to see him better himself but that I have so many other thoughts going through my mind. I had bible study last night so the text-versation had end for a bit but I told him I would text him later after everything was done. My best friend, Kellie and her mom told me I should just tell him how I was feeling but to be honest, I wasn't sure that I could.

After bible study, I dropped Kellie and her mom off at their house and went over the see Steve at work. I had made a cake for my bible study group in celebration of completing the Bachelor's Degree Program and thought I would share some with Steve and his work friends. Anyway, we sat down while he ate his piece of cake and he asked me what was going through my mind. He asked if I had concerns, I told kind of but not about him. More about us. That was hard because the moment I said it, I started to cry. I told him that when I first met him 7 years ago, I knew he was someone special and that the one I regret when I left the church we both attended and met at, was not staying in touch with him. I went on to tell him that I felt like us reuniting was God giving us a second chance and that I never thought I would have that with him. He said, I had faith that we would meet again one day and we did. Then I told him that since us spending time together and getting to know other, I realized through him what my self worth really is and that I don't want to lose him. He said, we will always be in each other's live; me in his and him in mine. Then I told him that there was something else I wanted to tell him. I tried very hard but kind resorted to writing it down. I will not say what I wrote because I cannot remember exactly what I wrote because so emotional. But suffice it say, he accepted what I wrote and said that he is happy to know where we stand. There was a bit of confusion but fortunately I was able to explain everything more clearly. I asked him if I was assuming right when I say, there is more here between us than friendship; he said yes but he wants to get his life in order before we get deeper into the relationship. He said, when I move which will not be for a little while, we will talk almost every day and we are going to make sure we have webcams so that we can see each other too.

I am not sure how to feel right now because I am happy and I am sad. I happy because I know that there is more and that he cares about me as much as I care about him. I am sad because I just found him again and when he moves he will be away for 2 years and it going to be so hard not to be able to see him and hug him. But I know God will sustain us. There is no doubt in my mind that God brought Steve and I together.