He calls me, "Super Woman"...

*Blogger Disclosure* If you can't handle personal and delicate information, this blog is not for you.

Today was my medical procedure. A procedure that I had, had once before; years ago but for some reason this one felt so different in the way of what I could almost know what it would be. Before I continue, I should go back a little and give you a background of things.

About 4 or 5 years ago, I was diagnosed with the HPV virus. I was told then that it was something that would have to be monitored for pretty much the rest of my life but that it wasn't something to be too concerned with because there are so many women out in the world that do not know they have it and because it is a virus, virus' like HPV have a chance to go away on their own with little to no concern but it still has to be watched because it can lead to cervical cancer. Well, unfortunately I was not monitored on a continuous basis because I could not afford to see my obgyn doc (I know, I know...not a good enough excuse but honestly, I just couldn't afford even the visit nevermind what would have to be done. Thank God for Dr. Hays now because she has said, no matter what I want to see you when I need to or even when I don't...your health is important and I will help any way I can; I digress). Skipping ahead to about July/August, I had some in between my period bleeding. I ended up going to the ER with really no clear answers until I got to see what would be my new obgyn. Turns out in between bleeding is not uncommon. So, my new doc decided she would give me a few weeks to recover so to speak from the ER visit and in between bleeding and then start fresh with my yearly exams since I haven't seen a gyno at that time in 4 or 5 years. I go in for my fresh start for yearly exams and everything seemed to be good. Dr. Hays tells me that if I don't hear from her 2 weeks from the day that I saw her I didn't have anything to worry about, that all was well. 2 weeks comes and sorta kinda goes without word. I think I thought too soon because it was 2 weeks and 1 day when she called me. She tells me that the pap came back negative and I need to come in for a procedure that I am very familiar with (I'm sorry but I'm drawing a blank on the whole medical procedure name but trust me when I say, not one woman wants to be on the receiving end of it).

Ok, so today was "D" day. I wake up, feeling ok but not really wanting it to be the day. I had asked Steve a few days ago if he would go with me and wait for me. He said he would. He could see that I was nervous, he kept calling me Super Woman; trying to get me to smile and not be so nervous. I tried to smile throughout the day while we waited to leave for my appointment but after the 3rd time of hearing Super Woman I finally told him that I can't be Super Woman today. He smiled and said, "We'll get through this no matter what it is."

So, we get there and for the most part I was strong in holding onto my tears...until that doctor came into the room and asked me how I was doing. I lost it. I love my doctor, although she is not much of hand holder and more of a straight shooter, I love her. Now this is where things get a little emotional for me...I am about to tell you what I learned but I won't be going into too much detail because I am still not ready to share everything.

The results of my pap smear that was done in August showed a low grade legion (I'm sure that I am spelling that wrong) on my cervix. She took a biopsy and as of right now it will be a waiting game for me. To say the least, I am trying my best to just give this all over to God and just allow whatever is going to be, to be. Steve kept telling me, if it is what it could be...again not ready to say it much...we will fight it. He said, "I got your back."

Yeah, today was stressful.

Blogging...Free Therapy

Yep! I done did it...and I honestly never meant to or thought I ever would do such a thing. I guess all those emergencies finally caught up to me, along with needing a little extra of this or that over the last few months. It shook me up a little bit because I have never done it before I didn't know if that meant that I would have to pay in full on the bill or what...I know, I know I wasn't thinking very clearly on that one but again, I never did this before. I guess this gives me the whole new meaning to the phrase, "Live and Learn".

To say the least, I am stressed out. On top of this whole maxing out my one and only credit card, I am facing a very unwanted and kind of scary medical procedure tomorrow (which I will explain in another blog, it makes me cry just to think about it but once I know more I will give more details). People are telling me not to worry or be scared but I can't help it. I am human after all. I am just trying not to think too much about it. I had a cry fest in the shower over it...hopefully that cry fest will be the one and only one I have about it.

I am trying to keep my wits about me and just give it all to God. I mean what else can I do...right? It helps to know that I have people praying for me.

Enough of that...let's move onto something else...



There's my Steve. I thought it has been a while.

Things with Steve are good. Kind of progressing. I say kind of because we are still in the friends/semi-dating mode of things, i.e. getting to know each other and taking things as they come. We were talking about it the other night and while I am liking where things are and where things appear to be going, I am really wishing it would move a little more into the committed place. Not that we are not committed now, we are just committed in a different way. It's kind of hard to explain. Steve and I understand where and what we are. I guess that is all that matters, right?

Anyway, we are planning a trip to Canada in a few weeks or so before I start working in a full time job. He has a friend there that just had a baby and he wants to go visit them; he wants me to meet her and her boyfriend as well as them to meet me. It should be fun because I have never been to another part of the world like Canada. I am looking forward to it and I believe it will be a good test of sorts for Steve and I. You see we will be driving there and well, I don't know about other couples but something happens when you are in a car for longer than an hour or two with your significant other. I think we will be ok because of how well we get along and work together. I think that is why we get along so well...he helps me and I help him. He teaches me and I teach him. We go hand in hand like peanut butter and jelly...we just work.

Well, I need to get to bed...tomorrow is going to be a long day.