Complicated???

Ok, so last night was great! He came and got me, told me to change into something nice but not too nice. I said, "ok?". So I went to my closet as he sat on a chair in my room and I took out 2 tops that I thought would be good. He had already seen me in one of the tops and so when I asked him which one he picked the one he had yet to see me in. When I asked him about pants he said the jeans I was wearing would be fine because where we were going was nice but not fancy. He knows me too well, of how simple I am, of course he is very simple too. So I changed my top, touched up my hair and threw on a little make up. I was feeling excited and beyond HAWT! LOL!!! I couldn't imagine where we were going or what we were doing.

While I was getting ready, he went out onto the balcony to smoke a cig, yes I know "he smokes, yuck!" I don't like it but feel I have said my peace about it and will leave the rest to God and him. Anyway, I get done dollin' myself up, I go to the back door and see that he is engrossed in his sidekick. He looks up, does a double take and says, "Wow! You look great!" I said, "I'm ready!" He gets up puts out his cig and then follows me back inside. I threw on my shoes and decided I wouldn't take my purse since I didn't know where we were going. He proceeds to tell me, "you don't need any money cause I am paying". *Side note: He has this big grin on his face because for the first time he will be taking some place I have never been before I won't have to help him pay, not that I mind helping anyone because that is just me.* I had to tell him in no uncertain terms that I just wanted to make sure I had my license and bank card in case I need it. I never leave home without it. I mean you never know what could happen, no matter how much cash one has.

So, there I am trying to get completely ready to go and he is tickling me...I swear ever since he found out how ticklish I am, he has had so much fun with this. Ok, back to my great nice with Steve. We leave, he's driving...we get closer to this place and I kind of figured it out but didn't say anything. We get inside and this place is beautiful for being a place that is nice but not fancy. To me it was kind of on the fancy side. I felt like a fish out of water. Of course I always feel that way when I am in a new place. Steve took me to Lemongrass and WOW! was the food great!!! I never had real Thai food before. I mean I had the "thai food" that grocery stores sell for a quick-heat-it-up-and-go meal but never the real thing. It was awesome. We are talking, laughing and, really having a great time. Then he tells me we are going to see a movie and its my choice. Ok so I know he is secretly hoping I pick one of the many movies that he has been dying to see. Of course of those movies I pretty much also want to see them but not as much as him. We ended up seeing The Dark Knight, which I highly recommend. It was a GREAT movie.

Now I am sure you are wondering where the complicated part comes into play...it will be coming in soon...trust me, just keep reading.

So, the movie ends and we head outside for him to have another cig. He asks if I am hungry or thirsty which is code for he is thirsty or hungry. I was feeling kind of thirsty so he suggests Starbucks, I was like wow! this is a treat! We head to Starbucks just in time to get a drink and sit for a bit to talk. Then he asks if there is any other place I would like to go, I told him I pretty much don't care and so then we head to Walmart. He ended up wanting to get this thing for his car radio.

We head back to my place and the whole time I am sitting there thinking, "God, this was so perfect; this night. Could it end with a kiss?" Sadly, it didn't. Now this is where it gets complicated.

On the way to my place, he asks me "do you remember when you said that you were afraid I would disappear after I got the car?" I said, I did; how could I forget? He said, "I told you, I would still be here." I wanted to cry, I am crying now just thinking about that. The reason? Well, because when he does or says such sweet things and then I don't hear from him like he said he would text me today and didn't, I grow doubtful of these thoughts that I have been having lately about us. I won't say what but let's just say, I feel it deep in my spirit something I have never felt before.

For me, I don't understand. I know, I know he is a guy and like most guys they go off in their world without much thought to anything else. But Steve is not like your typical guy, the proof is in the puddin' I am tellin' ya. So part of me is worried, even though I am sure he is fine and the other part is, well...asking, why is so complicated even though he is not a typical guy??? I mean, his actions speak louder than his words when he says that we are just friends for the time being. Seriously do just friends tickle and tease the way he tickles and teases me or the way I tease and try to tickle him but I end up just poking him or play grab at his butt and he doesn't push me away? I mean we haven't even kissed much less held hands. I will tell you that in the beginning he and I did kind of get into a playful cuddle fest thing but nothing like that since...sort of. See what I mean? COM-PLI-CA-TED!!! LOL!!!

Someone anyone give me a little insight or should I just let things be and continue to go with the flow???? Am I wrong in thinking that he likes me but is not ready to admit it??? I swear I feel like I am in high school all over again but not in a bad way, I actually like it...at least for now LOL!!!

It's a new month...

Where is the time going? I can't even believe that we are already into a new month. It seems just like yesterday that I was starting another year of college and learned that I am going to be aunt 3 times over. *Side Note: My sis in law, Courtney, felt the baby kick for the first time yesterday. Now it feels even more real to us all.*

I sit and think about the months that have passed and what has taken place over that time. It's hard to believe that another birthday will be in clear sight for me in 4 months. It's hard to believe that I am going to be graduating in a little over a month.

Do you ever feel like, life is going by so fast, that you wonder how much you missed of it? I do. In the times that I am doing something important or not so important, I wonder what I am missing, if anything? But that is in my opinion how life is at times. While you are still living life, you are also missing other parts of it.

I don't know where I am going with this, I guess more or less this was just a thought going through my head that needed to be written out.

I must be dreaming....

Ok! So I know that in this world and in the day and age that we are living in, things are going to happen that and many others are not going to agree with. I seriously think that I must have been dreaming when I read a report that states that OUR wonderful President has ok'd the execution of an Army soldier. Yeah! I read the report and I know what it says. But who on God's green earth died and left the president judge, jury and, executioner? Or better yet, who left him God?

Let me take a few steps back here...cause I know that this topic of discussion is going to get deep or can get deep depending on the people who are talking about it. I know this topic of discussion brings up more thoughts than just the fact the Bushy is using his power to kill a man and everything else in between. I really don't have too many thoughts on the dealth penalty because there are so many different circumstances that make different situations call for someone to die and others don't....it's a double-edged sword if you ask me.

I am not sure if I am making much sense here...I guess my main point that I am trying to make is how this is ok? Here is the report for those interested in knowing more...and maybe can understand my confusing soapbox vent.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080728/ap_on_go_pr_wh/bush_military_execution