Going somewhere???

So yesterday was a very busy day for me. I got up took care of some school things and then went over to Steve's (he wanted to run by the car shop to ask a few questions about the inspection they did on my soon-to-be-old-car) then we headed over to Annapolis and walked around the mall for a bit. It was a nice day. Then we went to his brother's house and hung out for a bit. At some point he was told about this birthday party for a friend of his from work and asked if I would like to go. Ok, that was outta no where; I said yes of course because I wanted to spend more time with Steve. I come to find out that he wanted me to meet some of his really good friends. Which by the way, I know is code for..."I really like you and want to see what my friends think."

We get there and automatically I am welcomed in like I had been their friends too for as long as Steve has been their friends, it was cool! After a while, we had to make a quick run to drop off something to his brother that Steve forgot to take care of before he and I left his brother's house. As we were dropping whatever off to his brother, another friend of his that was kind of a friend of mine that I went to church with a long time ago came out and said hi to me. She then started asking about me and Steve, which I just casually looked at Steve to see what he would say; with a big smile and blushing he said, "Yeah. We are talking" again, I know this code for, "I am liking her and want to see where this goes." So, we leave there and go back to the party.

Suffice it to say, I am REALLY liking where this is going and look forward to more times with Steve. YAY!!!

Frustration sets in...Dear God HELP ME!!!! *Disclaimer* This is just a vent blog. Please don't think I am crazy or something. I am just venting.

Ok, so I am a little on the frustrated side of life right now. Trying to keep your cool around someone you are butt-crazy about is hard freakin' work!!! Dude, seriously I am totally feelin' like at any moment I am going to do something that is going to end up with me being in one of those, "YEAH! I gotta um go, there is something I forgot to take care of, um...yeah! that's it!" and then just find a rock to crawl under and hide until the rapture comes and takes me up moments. LOL!! Ok!!! So that was a little much there but that is how I am feeling.

When I am around him, I am fine. I try to just go with the flow of things. You know, calm...cool and oh so collected; BUT the guy is so perceptive that I know eventually he going to see through this facade. Oh! and let me tell you how perceptive he is, this is impressive to me even if he is deaf, he is still a guy and most guys I have known or know are not as perceptive as he is or can be. *Side Note: No offense to any of the guys out there that might be reading this, I have just never known any guy as perceptive as he is. End Side Note* Now when I am not around him, my mind is going in all sorts of different directions. I know, I know...this is not a good place to be in because I may end up taking a chance of somehow, someway mixing up the two worlds I am living in right now and get all sorts of messed up. Here is where my disclaimer comes into play. I know I just sounded like I went on the "coo-coo for coco puffs" side of whatever there but really I am just as sane as the next person...I just describe things a little differently is all. Besides as the title states, this is just a vent blog anyway.

Today we spent most of the afternoon just hanging out and watched a movie, then I took him to work (yeah he is so looking forward to having my what will be old car as soon as I get my new car) and then I came home and did some school work (what else is new there?) and now I am right back to being in the "my mind is in all sorts of different directions" mode. Is this healthy? I am beginning to wonder if maybe school has taken away my ability to be the logical person that I normally am??? Or maybe I just need more sleep??? Anything is possible...Right?

Ok, I better end this here before someone goes looking for a straigh-jacket in my size. Later taters!

I like him, He likes me...where's the problem???

Ok so, I like him and I know he likes me...but where's the problem??? Really there is no problem at least not with us anyway. I guess I am just trying to find a way to gain more perspective on the situation as it is. You see, I know he likes me...it's obvious to me and everyone around us but he won't admit it. I know why he won't admit it...there are several reasons, one being me. I have a way of messing things up and I know he can see that. Now when I say, "messing things up", I don't mean it in a bad way. What I mean by that is, I can get to a point where I become "SUPER GIRLFRIEND!!!" Most guys are not into having that, at least not the ones that I had in the past and Steve is VERY VERY perceptive!!! You see he is hearing impaired and extremely sensitive to everything. I could be sitting in the car with him and he looks at me and knows when I have something on my mind or if I have had a bad day. He is so smart too, it's almost scary to me. I mean not that I doubt his intelligence, I am just surprised at the life he has lived and though I still worry about him, I know that he will always be ok.

Anyway, I have kind of fallen off the main topic of this blog. So, I like him and of course he knows this...and I am fairly certain that he likes me but he will not admit to it. He has said as much that he wants to take things slow. While I am all for this plan of action, I am left with two different questions that I am not quite sure that I should even ask him; let alone think about them for myself. #1) Are we friends seeing where it can go? Or #2) Are we friends seeing if you want to take it a step further? These questions, especially the 2nd one leads to other thoughts and questions like, "If we are friends, seeing if you want to take it a step further, does that mean you are going to tell me at any moment that he thinks we are better of as friends???" So yeah, I am trying to stay in the moment and just take one day at a time but honestly, this is getting hard. Probably one of the hardest things that I have ever had to find a way to be balanced in. So far I am doing ok, I think??? I just know that I like him and that God has given me this great person in my life and I don't want to ever be without him in my life; regardless of the kind of relationship we have.

*DEEP SIGH* I suppose I just need to let God do whatever He is going to do regardless of what I want and what I hope for. Ok, enough of that...