Tattoos, School and, Everything else...

Life continues...

I am 19 er 18 days away from completing school. I still can't believe it. Sometimes I will wake up after a long night of papers and studying; I will wonder "Did I really do it? Did I really get through 2+ years of college?" It amazes me. BUT I could not have done it without God, my family and, friends. There is one thing that bothers me about this though is that my brother, Jeremy and his wife, Courtney along with their kids cannot come and join in on the trip to see me get my degree because of financial reasons; neither will my Aunt Jo, who is no longer living or even my best friend, Kellie. It saddens me.

This is where the tattoos come in. I am getting a memorial tattoo in memory of my Aunt Jo. This way a little piece of her will be with me on that day. I will also carry a picture of my brother and his little family with me; as well as a picture of my best friend. This way, I can have something of everyone with me. Going back to the tattoo, Steve asked if he could sketch out a drawing for my tattoo. I just know when I see it, I will cry and I know that I will be crying as the tattoo is being done; not from pain but from because of what it will represent for me.

Ok, new topic...starting to get teary eyed.

So, today I got to see Steve...it's exactly what I needed after the last few days I have had. I think he realized that I have been missing him and that is making me feel very good that he is thinking about me in such a way. I needed this too. He really is a one of kind and I thank God for him everyday.

Speaking of Steve, he mentioned that my surprise will be coming soon. I, of course, am dying to know what it is. And he, of course, is not saying a word. Oh! Actually he did say that it is something I have never done before...but something tells me he is trying to keep me guessing and just saying that.

As for everything else, it's all good. I sometimes can't believe my life. It's not perfect but it's amazingly blessed.

Well, I think I am going to go to bed.

Steve's Birthday and some random rambling

Well, it didn't go off without a hitch but at least he didn't suspect anything really which means I can pull of a surprise (somewhat). As it turned out he walked in where everything was waiting for him as I was waiting for people to show up and let them in without him seeing. That didn't really work out. His Mom and brother were there and a few people from his work came over to that side of the bowling ally that we were at and wished him a happy birthday. But those that I invited did not come. While it was good, it was kind of a bust. He was surprised and enjoyed it, which is all that matters but it would have still been nice to have the rest of his friends show up. Anyway, all is good.

Aside from that, I have been thinking a lot about things. Mostly what is going on with Steve. I know, I know...not that again!!! I can't help it. Lately I have seen very little of him. Not for any reason but because he is now working 2 jobs and by the time the weekend comes he has other things to do that he used to be able to do during the day before he had to go to work. This essentially means little to no time with Steve. I miss him and he doesn't even know it because I feel like I can't tell him this. The reason, he is always reminding me that we are friends for the time being and I do not want overstep and boundaries, whether I know what and where they are or not. I refuse to say anything or do anything without knowing it is going to be accepted. Most recently I have noticed though that he has be getting more touchy feely; its mostly just a quick rub on the back or a gentle rub on my arm. And then there are times when we link arms together. So I know where I can go with that and what I can do with that but it's the other things that I am not sure of. Like telling him I miss him. Would that be too much? Would I overstep any boundaries in saying that? These and many other questions race through my head, not just for the whole, telling him I miss him thing but other things too.

Lately, I have found myself wondering about something. It's one of those what ifs that floats about and lands from time to time, just long enough for me to think about. I have been wondering about what if he gets to comfortable with being my friend, "for the time being", that he doesn't want to take it further??? I still think about his words, "when the time is right, you will get a surprise" or something like that. I think about them because I wonder if maybe that is my surprise for him to tell me that he wants to be more than friends and be bf/gf.

I am starting to feel like a high school girl...and while I know it's not a bad thing especially when it comes to keeping my cool when I am around him, I really don't want to be this way. I'm chalking it up to stress and being tired, along with missing Steve.

Anyway, I am going to bed...