I gave him my secret...

...but it was not much of a secret. He apparently already knew how I felt, he was just waiting for me to tell him. He wanted to hear it from me.

So, I went to see Steve yesterday afternoon. While we were hanging out, he tells me that he is planning on going back to Texas for school. I tried to keep my cool but of course he sees straight through that. He knows too well but of course I am not complaining about it. Anyway, he tells me he knows what I am thinking and after a little while I told him he was right, I don't want him to go. We got into a text-versation and after he telling me what it mean to and for him, he asked me what I thought. I told him the truth; I told him that I won't ever stop him from living his dreams and that I want to see him better himself but that I have so many other thoughts going through my mind. I had bible study last night so the text-versation had end for a bit but I told him I would text him later after everything was done. My best friend, Kellie and her mom told me I should just tell him how I was feeling but to be honest, I wasn't sure that I could.

After bible study, I dropped Kellie and her mom off at their house and went over the see Steve at work. I had made a cake for my bible study group in celebration of completing the Bachelor's Degree Program and thought I would share some with Steve and his work friends. Anyway, we sat down while he ate his piece of cake and he asked me what was going through my mind. He asked if I had concerns, I told kind of but not about him. More about us. That was hard because the moment I said it, I started to cry. I told him that when I first met him 7 years ago, I knew he was someone special and that the one I regret when I left the church we both attended and met at, was not staying in touch with him. I went on to tell him that I felt like us reuniting was God giving us a second chance and that I never thought I would have that with him. He said, I had faith that we would meet again one day and we did. Then I told him that since us spending time together and getting to know other, I realized through him what my self worth really is and that I don't want to lose him. He said, we will always be in each other's live; me in his and him in mine. Then I told him that there was something else I wanted to tell him. I tried very hard but kind resorted to writing it down. I will not say what I wrote because I cannot remember exactly what I wrote because so emotional. But suffice it say, he accepted what I wrote and said that he is happy to know where we stand. There was a bit of confusion but fortunately I was able to explain everything more clearly. I asked him if I was assuming right when I say, there is more here between us than friendship; he said yes but he wants to get his life in order before we get deeper into the relationship. He said, when I move which will not be for a little while, we will talk almost every day and we are going to make sure we have webcams so that we can see each other too.

I am not sure how to feel right now because I am happy and I am sad. I happy because I know that there is more and that he cares about me as much as I care about him. I am sad because I just found him again and when he moves he will be away for 2 years and it going to be so hard not to be able to see him and hug him. But I know God will sustain us. There is no doubt in my mind that God brought Steve and I together.