Well, it didn't go off without a hitch but at least he didn't suspect anything really which means I can pull of a surprise (somewhat). As it turned out he walked in where everything was waiting for him as I was waiting for people to show up and let them in without him seeing. That didn't really work out. His Mom and brother were there and a few people from his work came over to that side of the bowling ally that we were at and wished him a happy birthday. But those that I invited did not come. While it was good, it was kind of a bust. He was surprised and enjoyed it, which is all that matters but it would have still been nice to have the rest of his friends show up. Anyway, all is good.
Aside from that, I have been thinking a lot about things. Mostly what is going on with Steve. I know, I know...not that again!!! I can't help it. Lately I have seen very little of him. Not for any reason but because he is now working 2 jobs and by the time the weekend comes he has other things to do that he used to be able to do during the day before he had to go to work. This essentially means little to no time with Steve. I miss him and he doesn't even know it because I feel like I can't tell him this. The reason, he is always reminding me that we are friends for the time being and I do not want overstep and boundaries, whether I know what and where they are or not. I refuse to say anything or do anything without knowing it is going to be accepted. Most recently I have noticed though that he has be getting more touchy feely; its mostly just a quick rub on the back or a gentle rub on my arm. And then there are times when we link arms together. So I know where I can go with that and what I can do with that but it's the other things that I am not sure of. Like telling him I miss him. Would that be too much? Would I overstep any boundaries in saying that? These and many other questions race through my head, not just for the whole, telling him I miss him thing but other things too.
Lately, I have found myself wondering about something. It's one of those what ifs that floats about and lands from time to time, just long enough for me to think about. I have been wondering about what if he gets to comfortable with being my friend, "for the time being", that he doesn't want to take it further??? I still think about his words, "when the time is right, you will get a surprise" or something like that. I think about them because I wonder if maybe that is my surprise for him to tell me that he wants to be more than friends and be bf/gf.
I am starting to feel like a high school girl...and while I know it's not a bad thing especially when it comes to keeping my cool when I am around him, I really don't want to be this way. I'm chalking it up to stress and being tired, along with missing Steve.
Anyway, I am going to bed...
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