Am I wrong???

Ok! So there are a few things that I need to get off my chest a little. I will start with the simpler of the two or three things on my mind that I need to vent about.

So, at the church that I attend, not as frequently as I would like but hey! at least I have a church that I can gladly call home, we have an e-mail prayer chain thing. Well, the person in charge of it for the most part; the pastor also sends out the prayer request that comes to him via e-mail as well, seems to edit the prayers being sent to her to be sent to the prayer partners. I am not liking this. The first time I noticed it I didn't really pay much attention to it because I knew that I had become long winded in the prayer I had sent to her to be sent out to the others. Then it happened again, but again I never paid attention to it because much of the prayer request or the message behind it, I believed had gotten through. After a while I kind of just went with it...but now, for some reason it is bothering me. Now, don't get me wrong I know that God knows what is going on and no matter what He knows my needs. I guess what is bothering me about it this time is, the fact that nothing needed to be "edited" out. It was short and to the point, nothing offensive and, basically a simple but much needed prayer request. When I saw that it had been "edited"...I got to thinking..."Who says that a prayer needs to be "edited"?" I mean I understand some things can be left and are better left unsaid but when it comes down to it, I never say anything that doesn't need to be said or made known to other people. With this latest prayer request that I sent in, I was pretty vague; or so I thought with what I wanted others to pray about. I don't know. I just think some things that belong to another person...thoughts, prayers, or, what have you should be left alone. It's one thing to "edit" something because of space and even the need to save time...but to "edit" it because you think this or that doesn't need to be said or known...if I didn't want anyone to know, I wouldn't put it out there. Below you will find a copy of the prayer request I sent in and a copy of the prayer that was sent to the prayer partners. Maybe you can tell me if it needed to be "edited".


My Prayer Request
Dear Calvary Family, For weeks now, I have been asking for prayer for an unspoken matter. While things have improved, I am sad to say that much of the situation has taken a bit of a turn and gone somewhat back or at least closer back to the beginning. I'm at a loss of words and even thoughts as to why this is even taking place?? Suffice it to say where I thought forgiveness was given and amends was being made, I found out that I have been so very wrong. While I am more than willing to admit my wrong doing, if the other people involved would open the ears of their hearts to listen, I have not been able to even get a word in without being cut off and some off handed remark being made. I sincerely do not understand why this is happening. By no means am I claiming complete innocence in this situation, I am not the only one who is wrong. If you would, please pray for me and all involved that God's truth would be shown where it needs to be seen and that God would open the hearts that are closed. Thank you and God Bless!

The prayer that was sent...

Dear Calvary Family, For weeks now, I have been asking for prayer for an unspoken matter. While things have improved, I am sad to say that much of the situation has taken a bit of a turn and gone somewhat back or at least closer back to the beginning. Suffice it to say where I thought forgiveness was given and amends was being made, I found out that I have been so very wrong. I sincerely do not understand why this is happening. If you would, please pray for me and all involved that God's truth would be shown where it needs to be seen and that God would open the hearts that are closed. Thank you and God Bless!


I just don't understand.

Now, moving onto the next item of discomfort for me...which pretains to the prayer request posted above.

Back in march...when we had the very last snow of the year...my brother called me asking for help. Well, to make a long story short; I told him no because I didn't feel comfortable driving on the snowy, wet and, icey roads. I know that not all the roads were bad that day but where I live and the roads leading from where I live to the main roads were still pretty nasty and the tires on my car at the time were not right for the weather. I pretty much needed new tires but could not afford them at the time. Anyway, suffice it to say, my brother and his wife went off on me and basically stated that they were done with me. They were done with me treating them like crap and using foul language in front of their children. Now, let it be known that I have never ever used foul language in front of any child; my niece and nephews or any other child for that matter. That is not me. My brother on the other hand...he has but I digress.

Anyway, things have been kind of bumpy since then and while it was 2 months before I actually saw the kids, I have finally been able to see them for the last month or there about. However, I found out that my brother and his wife are waiting for an apology...the apology they want is for saying no that day of the snow and for treating them like crap as they stated. I am not even sure how I have treated them like crap because I have always been there when they needed me. With the exception of not being there 3 or 4 times that I was not feeling well and even then I got an attitude from them. I just don't get it.

More than that, my brother saying he loves me but has not forgiven me yet. How can you love someone but not forgive them? Is that even possible? Furthermore, the only thing that I know for sure that I am wrong in is for the time I argued with my brother in front of the kids and it made them cry because they didn't understand what was going on and another time that I called me brother a butthead in front of the kids. I should have never allowed that to happen and am truly sorry for it.

The other day, I tried to speak to my brother about it but as usual he cut me off and said he had to go. I mean seriously...is this happening? My brother and I used to be close...not anymore. And in all honesty, I feel like it has alot to do with his wife. I never felt like she ever liked me and the only time she liked me was when I was doing something for her...especially when the babies came along but of course, I never minded being there with the babies...they have been my life and would never change that for the world. She always said I never seem to want to spend time with her...honestly that was because I got tired of her idea of spending time together was me doing things for her. I don't mind helping but I do mind being taken advantage of. I don't know. Am I wrong in feeling like the reason they are mad at me is because I said no for the final time and thought of myself for once, which I hardly ever do???

I wish my Aunt Jo were still alive, she always had a great way of showing me a different perspective when I needed one.

But I guess what I am asking is if I am wrong in feeling these feelings in these two different situations.

What do you think? (Whoever reads this)