He calls me, "Super Woman"...

*Blogger Disclosure* If you can't handle personal and delicate information, this blog is not for you.

Today was my medical procedure. A procedure that I had, had once before; years ago but for some reason this one felt so different in the way of what I could almost know what it would be. Before I continue, I should go back a little and give you a background of things.

About 4 or 5 years ago, I was diagnosed with the HPV virus. I was told then that it was something that would have to be monitored for pretty much the rest of my life but that it wasn't something to be too concerned with because there are so many women out in the world that do not know they have it and because it is a virus, virus' like HPV have a chance to go away on their own with little to no concern but it still has to be watched because it can lead to cervical cancer. Well, unfortunately I was not monitored on a continuous basis because I could not afford to see my obgyn doc (I know, I know...not a good enough excuse but honestly, I just couldn't afford even the visit nevermind what would have to be done. Thank God for Dr. Hays now because she has said, no matter what I want to see you when I need to or even when I don't...your health is important and I will help any way I can; I digress). Skipping ahead to about July/August, I had some in between my period bleeding. I ended up going to the ER with really no clear answers until I got to see what would be my new obgyn. Turns out in between bleeding is not uncommon. So, my new doc decided she would give me a few weeks to recover so to speak from the ER visit and in between bleeding and then start fresh with my yearly exams since I haven't seen a gyno at that time in 4 or 5 years. I go in for my fresh start for yearly exams and everything seemed to be good. Dr. Hays tells me that if I don't hear from her 2 weeks from the day that I saw her I didn't have anything to worry about, that all was well. 2 weeks comes and sorta kinda goes without word. I think I thought too soon because it was 2 weeks and 1 day when she called me. She tells me that the pap came back negative and I need to come in for a procedure that I am very familiar with (I'm sorry but I'm drawing a blank on the whole medical procedure name but trust me when I say, not one woman wants to be on the receiving end of it).

Ok, so today was "D" day. I wake up, feeling ok but not really wanting it to be the day. I had asked Steve a few days ago if he would go with me and wait for me. He said he would. He could see that I was nervous, he kept calling me Super Woman; trying to get me to smile and not be so nervous. I tried to smile throughout the day while we waited to leave for my appointment but after the 3rd time of hearing Super Woman I finally told him that I can't be Super Woman today. He smiled and said, "We'll get through this no matter what it is."

So, we get there and for the most part I was strong in holding onto my tears...until that doctor came into the room and asked me how I was doing. I lost it. I love my doctor, although she is not much of hand holder and more of a straight shooter, I love her. Now this is where things get a little emotional for me...I am about to tell you what I learned but I won't be going into too much detail because I am still not ready to share everything.

The results of my pap smear that was done in August showed a low grade legion (I'm sure that I am spelling that wrong) on my cervix. She took a biopsy and as of right now it will be a waiting game for me. To say the least, I am trying my best to just give this all over to God and just allow whatever is going to be, to be. Steve kept telling me, if it is what it could be...again not ready to say it much...we will fight it. He said, "I got your back."

Yeah, today was stressful.