I like him, He likes me...where's the problem???

Ok so, I like him and I know he likes me...but where's the problem??? Really there is no problem at least not with us anyway. I guess I am just trying to find a way to gain more perspective on the situation as it is. You see, I know he likes me...it's obvious to me and everyone around us but he won't admit it. I know why he won't admit it...there are several reasons, one being me. I have a way of messing things up and I know he can see that. Now when I say, "messing things up", I don't mean it in a bad way. What I mean by that is, I can get to a point where I become "SUPER GIRLFRIEND!!!" Most guys are not into having that, at least not the ones that I had in the past and Steve is VERY VERY perceptive!!! You see he is hearing impaired and extremely sensitive to everything. I could be sitting in the car with him and he looks at me and knows when I have something on my mind or if I have had a bad day. He is so smart too, it's almost scary to me. I mean not that I doubt his intelligence, I am just surprised at the life he has lived and though I still worry about him, I know that he will always be ok.

Anyway, I have kind of fallen off the main topic of this blog. So, I like him and of course he knows this...and I am fairly certain that he likes me but he will not admit to it. He has said as much that he wants to take things slow. While I am all for this plan of action, I am left with two different questions that I am not quite sure that I should even ask him; let alone think about them for myself. #1) Are we friends seeing where it can go? Or #2) Are we friends seeing if you want to take it a step further? These questions, especially the 2nd one leads to other thoughts and questions like, "If we are friends, seeing if you want to take it a step further, does that mean you are going to tell me at any moment that he thinks we are better of as friends???" So yeah, I am trying to stay in the moment and just take one day at a time but honestly, this is getting hard. Probably one of the hardest things that I have ever had to find a way to be balanced in. So far I am doing ok, I think??? I just know that I like him and that God has given me this great person in my life and I don't want to ever be without him in my life; regardless of the kind of relationship we have.

*DEEP SIGH* I suppose I just need to let God do whatever He is going to do regardless of what I want and what I hope for. Ok, enough of that...

Something is wrong here!!!!

So, when did it become ok to be an adult and act like a child??? Apparently I missed this memo at some point in my adult life.

I'm in college, I have less than 2 months left before I am done with the Bachelor's Program. I have been doing this for almost 2 and a 1/2 years. Now I realize whenever I first started with the college thing, it wouldn't always be a picnic in the park but seriously, you have got to be kidding me!!!

I have had my share of people I can't seem to work with for one reason or another and I have had my share of no one doing their work for whatever the reason but for someone to all out refuse to work as a group and help fix a problem that they caused is something new on me. Something is seriously wrong here when if in the real world you pulled this crap, you would be fired. I never wish anything bad to happen to anyone but I pray that God allows this person to reap what they have sown today.

To say I am pee'd off is putting it mildly and today's events make me want it to end even quicker.

Stressed??? Yes!!!!!

Imagine if you will, God saying to you, "I want to give you something BUT, you have to go through everything it will take to have it." You say, "ok" without question, why would you question, it's God...who questions God??? Well, I know...I know, we all do at some point but when it comes to life's blessings who really quesitons Him???

So anyway, that is where I am at. I always praying that God keeps me faithful in the small things because I know eventually He is going to give some bigs things that I will, without a doubt, need to be extremely faithful in.

For the last 2 almost 2 and a half years I have been doing the college thing and by the grace and mercy of God I have done extremely well. So, why do I still have this fear that I am going to fall flat on my face??? I know it's just the stress of it all talking but seriously, I feel like any moment now, the rug is going to be pulled from right under me and I am going to be flat on the floor; wondering what just happened? Would God really bring me this far and then take it all away from me? It's not likely but at the same time, it could happen because well, God is God and He can do whatever He wants without ever consulting us. It's not like He's gonna say, "Hey Becky! I was just thinking, how would you feel if I did this or that?" Yeah like that'll ever happen, nice thought though.

I am beyond stressed out. All this week will be nothing but school work, as if that is any different from weeks and months before, but for me this is way different. I have 20 days left of these 2 classes and then I am down to 2 classes, I will be literally weeks away and then I graduate.

I was talking with my friend, Steve just last week about this. He said, "You have to be so excited, like when you graduated from high school?" I said, "Oh No! This is on a totally different level. This is like so big, it could never ever touch high school or high school greaduation." It's different because well, unlike high school I am seriously paying big bucks to make my life better professionally speaking, not to mention the fact that it's much harder when you are practically teaching yourself. So suffice it to say, I am full of so many emotions...I want to cry, dance, laugh, scream and, then do it all over again...emotions wise, you couldn't pay me enough to do this Bachelor's Degree Program thing again...not unless I had the choice to be on an actualy campus. That I would definitely change if I had to do it all over again.

And let's not mention the MBA I will begin working towards in Oct. Yeah, I feel like my life, professionally speaking, hangs on the fingers tips of God's hand and there is nothing I can do but pray. Thank God for the power and greatness of prayer, I seriously have no idea where I would be without it.

Well, I need to be up at the buttcrack of dawn tomorrow and it's only 30 mins away from midnight. Much love to you all and blessings for a good week ahead.

God's Domino Effect

First let me give a great big Thank you to God!!!! He is sooooooo awesome!!!! A day or so ago, I went to see my friend and as we were hanging out he wanted to go grab something to eat, something quick and simple. Well, I had been telling him about my car being funky with what I believe to be the struts giving me some worry. I asked him if he wanted to drive it and get a feel for it, he said he would. He tells me that he knows the struts are not good just by the way it drives but he also thinks that maybe there might be something up with the transmission. This left me worried and immediately praying to God for peace and coverage over the issue.

Well, last night my best friend calls me and tells me she is having more car issues with her ex-hubby and come to find out that he is giving her back the car. A long story short, somehow we get to talking about me buying the car from her if it will work out that way, which we think it will. And today it has been confirmed and I just know that even though this is more of a financial burden, God has me and everyone else involved covered.

Now I am sure you are wondering how this is domino effect??? Well, I will tell you...my mom is helping me buy my best friend's car and my friend, Steve *yes he has a name, LOL* is going to buy my car. He is in great need for a car, even if it is a fixer upper A to B car. My car is not a bad car, it just needs more work done on it than I can afford and Steve who is a machanic (on the side) knows that he can fix it up to suit his needs, which include going to see his Dad after having not seen him in 5 or 6 years. He has been trying to find a way to do this for a long time. Not mention many other things that he needs a car for.

How awesome is God???? I say HE TOTALLY RAWKS!!!!

Butterflies dance

Ok, so I am in major like...there is no other way to say it. He makes my butterflies dance. I see the journey from afar and I want to keep going, come what may. Is this what it is supposed to be like? I've had some relationships, friends or otherwise with guys, and I can't remember ever feeling this wonderful with any of them; even when things were what I thought to be great. I don't want to put the cart before the horse and it is my prayer that I can stay in pace with the here and the now and not get ahead of myself, oh! but you know I want to!!!! LOL!!!

I spent a few hours with him today and I felt so at ease even though I will still fearful I would somehow, someway find a way to insert my foot into my mouth up to my thigh but it didn't happen, I don't think and if it did, he didn't seem to notice and if he did, he didn't seem to be bothered by anything that did come out of my mouth.

We started out with the agreement that we would be friends first, reconnect since we hadn't seen each other in years and I am totally fine with that but can I just say, that I am totally butt crazy about this guy. I know he knows this and I know he likes me too but we are taking things as they come. Plus, I also think he is scared. Ok! So I think about him taking the hand holding a little further and give me a kiss but I hold back on that, or at least I try. But I digress.

No matter what happens, all I can say is, "Thank you God for showing me what I have been missing for as long as I can remember and I will never settle for less EVER again."

Happy, Happy...Joy, Joy!!!!

Yay!!!! I am soooooooo freakin' happy if I could do cart wheels I would!!!! So, I decided that I would go see if my friend was working tonight. Imagine my surprise when I saw him at work early and came walking with a big smile on his face, waving to me. Immediately I was freaked out by my nerves even more than I was when I first set out to his work. I mouthed the words, "Oh My God!" I said this twice when I remembered that he could read lips and grabbed my keys from the ignition and got out of my car. The first thing out of his mouth was, "I am sooooo sorry!" I told him, holding my fist up, "I could beat you up for making me worry so much!" He repeated himself and then went on to say that he tried everything he could to get a hold of me. OH! I just realized I didn't say what kept him from coming over Friday and getting a hold of me to tell me what happened. His phone had in fact crapped out on him. This was my first feeling of why he stood me up and didn't call me or whatever.

Anyway, we stood their and talked for a little over and hour; he told me about what all he did to try and get a hold of me. He doesn't have his own car right now so he does a lot of walking when he can get a ride. He said he even walked to the library which from where he lives in a good hike. I felt so special that he would go that far to make sure I knew he was ok but when he couldn't get a hold of me, I said he hoped I would come by his work to see him. He said, "I am so happy you came by. I knew you would be worried and I didn't want you to be worried like that."

To say the least, my worries are all gone and I thank God for giving me the boldness to just be brave and show my friend that I wasn't stalking him, I was just worried. I even got up the courage to ask him to my college graduation for when I get my bachelor's degree and he said, "I knew you were going to ask me and I would love to go." I honestly didn't think he would be able to but he said he would.

I am so hyper with excitement.

Thanks for any prayers that have been sent up. Much love!!!

Wanted: Another Opinion!!! Please???

Ok, so today I was going to attempt to see if my friend was working tonight but had no luck there, he is off or so I was told. Then after humming and hawing over it, I just gave up on what I should do. Now I am wondering if I should just go see him at work when I know he is there??? I need another opinion, the first 2 said I should go; I still don't know??? Consider the facts:

1) He and I have known each other (for the most part) at least 9 years (not consistant in this but still)

2) There has been nothing said to indicate that he has no further interest in me (other than him practically falling off the face of the planet)

3) He hasn't answered any of the text messages I sent him (3 or 4 to be exact) or the e-mails (2 to be exact, in 2 different accounts) and any of the IMs I sent him (no more than 4 but my math could be off by 1)

4) He is hearing impaired and other than reading lips and signing, his only other form of communication (with me anyway) is his T-Moble Sidekick thing; I am wondering if it is not working for some reason??? And I can't remember if he said he had a computer or if he just uses his sidekick thingy.

5) He doesn't seem like the type of guy to just totally dis a friend or even a person he barely knows like this ever. I feel it in my heart.

6) I am worried...because I don't know what is going on or what to do. Ok! Maybe a little too worried but still worried; after all it's been well over 48 hours since he was supposed to come over and hang out; not to mention over 72 hours since I even had a form of communication with him.

So my question is this: Knowing what I know and if you knew all of what I know, along with what I have written above, would you go to his work and not confront him but more along the lines make sure he is ok and then find out what happened?

I am seriously unsure of what to do. For the last 48+ hours all I have been doing is worrying and praying. I have 2 people telling me I should go and at least give him a chance to explain because for all I know he could be unable to get a hold of me for one reason or another and even if he tells me something I don't want to hear, at the very least I will know that he is ok.

My problem is, I don't want to come across as stalker-girl. Please...someone tell me it will be ok to go over there???